A Pointess Random Thing
by Beatrix Malfoy Delacour
Summary: Rated R for swearing, I can't really summarize it because it's totally random, but if you're looking to laugh at something really stupid, read this.


Title: A Pointless Thing  
Date: October 7th, 2001 (and why'd I put this on here?)  
Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns all these characters. I suppose.  
Author's Note: Okay, this's a really screwed up thing, and I'm warning you it has *no* point, hence the title.  
Please don't be afraid of inatimate objects randomly speaking fluent Italian.  
  
Seccione One (?)  
  
On a fucked up day in mid-July, Sephiroth wa sitting in a bar.  
  
::enter Vivi::  
  
Vivi: Yo, Sephy. Word up?  
  
Sephiroth: Hello, my funny, little, spiffy black mage (because black mages are spiffy because Wayne Newton  
said so.)  
  
Vivi: ..... ::leaves::  
  
Sephiroth: Oh shit, I think I may have frightened the little bugger... ::ponders::  
  
::enter Zidane::  
  
Zidane: Dude, aren't you supposed to be bad?  
  
::Tifa enters::  
  
Tifa: Hiya, Zida!  
  
Zidane: Dammit Tifa don't call me that! (Because 'Zida' is a gayass name because his name is Zidane because  
his parents named him that because they evidently thought it was cute which it's not.)  
  
Tifa: Alrighty, Zida! ::sits down at the bar and randomly orders 17 hot dogs::  
  
::Zidane shakes his head:  
  
::evil orange monkey's march into the bar because they're evil because they're orange and carry Sephiroth off  
because he's evil because he's not-so-orange. Or, er- whatever.::  
  
All: .....  
  
::Vivi randomly starts rapping::  
  
Vivi: If ya wanna go do drugs with me / smokin' pot on the back of a pony / Oh, why must I deal these drugs? /  
Hey! Must be my messed up brain!  
  
::enter Cloud, Blank, Yuffie, Vincent, Aeris, Sefier, Cid (FFVII_, Barret, Cait Sith, RedVIII(Or is it XIII? I'm too  
lazy to go upstairs and check), Steiner, Garnet, Quistis, Zell, and Freya (but not Squall because nobody loves  
him except me because the only thing he says is 'whatever' but I think it's cute, but he's boring because he says  
'whatever' and being borings not fun little kiddies!)::  
  
Barret: Yo foo'! ::yells at bartender:: Gimme a drink dammit.  
  
Vivi: ::stops rapping because...I don't know.:: Word up, Barret?  
  
Barret: You foo;! That's my damn word! ::shoots Vivi::  
  
Quistis: ::looks at Vivi:: Hmmm.....  
  
::Zell leaves because nobody cares. Freya and Seifer start doing the macarena on the dance floor. Vincent  
orders a drink and sits down by himself at a table. Yuffie BE'S hyper. Blank acts neato and Cloud sucks ass-  
er, sorry got sidetracked, uh, Cloud and Aeris sit down at the table next to Vincent. Cid randomly swears, of  
course, Cait Sith runs in circles around Red VIII/XIII, Red VIII/XIII is dizzy or crazy, either way, uh, Steiner  
leaves. Garnet takes a piss in the corner, and Quistis leaves. Rufus opens his laptop and starts looking up  
porno sites.::  
  
Freya: Look at me! ::starts trying to sing the macarena song::  
  
Seifer: Hey Freya, wanna leave this suckass bar and go to another place to smoke some pot in another area  
besides this suckass bar because this bar sucks ass?  
  
Freya: Sure!  
  
::Freya and Seifer sit down in the middle of the floor and start doing drugs::  
  
Yuffie: Gaaaaaaaw! ::jumps up and down really hyperly on a chair::  
  
Chair: ::falls:: Io sono una sedia, dammit!  
  
Vincent: ::to himself:: Dammit my life sucks...  
  
Cid: What the F$%#ing hell is this shitty bar! Dammit bartender named Jackass(because he said so just  
because. I'm sick of giving you reasons! You fricking readers keep asking too much of me! ::sob:: Leave me  
alone!!) Gimme eight beers! ::drinks them and starts swearing again::  
  
Cloud: So Aeris, you wanna go somewhere?  
  
Aeris: Well Cloud....erm...we just got here...  
  
Cloud: I know, but I was thinking we could spend some time alone...  
  
Aeris: ::remembers what happend last time, which will not be recalled in this fic because I'm certain nobody  
wants to hear it, and jumps up happily:: Okey dokey, let's go!  
  
Barret: ::seeing them leave:: Where the f$*@ are they goin'?  
  
Cid: He's gonna friggin' screw her, duh!  
  
::silence, everybody looks at Cid::  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All: ......  
  
Cid: ......  
  
All ......  
  
Cid: Oh shut the heck up!  
  
All: !!!!!  
  
Cid: God, no! No....!!!!! I've lost it! Crud! ::orders another beer::  
  
::everyone goes about their business::  
  
Seifer: ::on the floor really high:: So Frey, haha! You've gotta suckass name...  
  
Freya: I know... ::dopey look:: funny... ::smokes some more pot::  
  
::Yuffie suddenly be's calm (she be's a lotta things, eh?)::  
  
::silence. crickets.::  
  
Yuffie: I mean: ::be's hyper::  
  
::life continues::  
  
::Red VIII/XIII pukes::  
  
::Cait Sith pukes::  
  
::Freya pukes::  
  
::Seifer pukes::  
  
::Vivi appears, and then pukes::  
  
::Rufus drools, looking at his screen::  
  
::Garnet is still pissing in the corner::  
  
Vincent: F&%$ing Lucrecia... had to f#@$ing screw up my life... ::drinks his 3,658th beer (yes he's been  
counting since he turned 21! What else does he have to do? I mean, come on, he's freaking Vincent!)::  
  
Cid: Fu... gosh darn it! I can't say it! Bast... Fu..... Shi.... Assh....Crud! .....  
  
::a frog hops through the bar, stealing Freya's and Seifer's drugs::  
  
::Garnet's still pissing, don't worry::  
  
Blank: ::walks over to Rufus:: What the f&*#? That's my girlfriend you're looking at porn pictures of! ::opens a  
can of whoopass on Rufus::  
  
::Garnet's still pissing (would you stop worrying about her?)::  
  
Freya: Where'd my pot go? Hahaha....pot... ::passes out::  
  
Barret: ::being haunted by Vivi's spirit::  
  
Cid: Fu....dge! ::growls::  
  
Red VIII/XIII: ::stops being chased by Cait Sith and growls back for no reason::  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So what do you guys think? Tell me if it's really gay, or if I should continue it. No flames please, be nice.  
Thanks!  
-Bea M. Delacour 


End file.
